


Remembrace

by GeekyIdiotCas



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen is hurt, Character Death, Gen, He's also forgetting stuff, How Do I Tag, I didn't mean for this, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Someone comfort Allen, The 14th is a jerk, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, no really, oops angst, the author can't tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 20:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13151619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekyIdiotCas/pseuds/GeekyIdiotCas
Summary: They all watched in silence as Allen Walker, their savior, slowly slipped from reality and became trapped within his own mind.





	Remembrace

**Kanda**

He was always the first to realize when something was wrong with the white-haired exorcist. Even beating Lavi to the punch, Kanda always saw the small things that mattered to the gentleman.

It all began with a simple red ribbon.

Kanda noticed how one day, Allen began to tie the ribbon around his neck sloppier than usual. It only took a week before it was gone in total. He noticed how the younger began to slowly dress messier and sloppier, his pale skin turning paler as dark bags began to hang underneath silver eyes. That’s when Kanda had enough, he knew the beansprout had been losing sleep over the 14th. He knew every time the smaller closed his eyes, he’d instantly open in fear of the 14th.

Kanda wouldn’t admit it even if it cost his life, but he was worried for the kid.

**Lavi**

Lavi noticed the small things as well, even if he weren’t as fast as a certain samurai. He noticed how Allen began to eat less and less and how he began to get skinnier, to the point of almost looking like a walking skeleton. He saw how Crown Clown had reverted into it’s incomplete form, maybe to take some of it’s toll off of Allen. Lavi watched with a close eye.

He only noticed after Allen had ran out of the mess hall. Following the younger exorcist, he soon found him dry heaving in the bathroom. One of the mirrors had been broken and Allen had a bloody fist.

That soon became a regular sight for the bookman apprentice.

Lavi was surprised Allen kept going on his missions and returning alive, he worried for the second youngest.

**Lenalee**

Lenalee berated herself, she only noticed after Allen had begun to smile less. She noticed how Allen began to have empty looks on his face, silver eyes dull. It made his already too thin face look even more hollow.

She didn’t like it.

It only became worse after that.

She noticed how he’d begin to forget things. It began with forgetting to eat, and it slowly spiralled down from there. He began to have, as Lavi so helpfully dubbed it, bad days and good days. On his good days, Allen would smile and eat. On bad ones, he sometimes even forget who his friends were and who he was.

She was incredibly worried for him, but kept silent. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was scared about Allen’s mental state.

She recalled Allen once telling her on one of his good days that Mana was like this too.

**Komui, Johnny, Reever**

They only noticed shortly after Lenalee. When they found out, Johnny had found Allen mindlessly wandering around the Order’s halls. Komui had asked what was wrong, but Allen only gave them a confused look. Reever was going to repeat Komui’s question when Allen smiled.

“I thought I had seen something. He won’t stop talking…” Allen left seconds after that.

They wanted to help Allen, but due to orders from Leverrier they couldn’t. They weren’t allowed to ‘influence’ Allen, only to observe and hand out missions to him.

But they noticed how everytime Allen returned from a mission, he looked less and less stable.

“He’s going to crack soon…” Komui sighed, taking a long sip of his coffee.

“Allen…” Johnny echoed sadly as they watched the young exorcist wander the halls again, looking lost.

**Link**

Link frowned as he watched Allen’s mentality slip. “Leverrier isn’t going to like this..” He sighed as he noted Allen pacing the room they shared mindlessly, unaware of Link sitting in the bed across the room. 

He saw Allen stop and stare into the mirror, a mad look crossing the younger’s face. “Shut up, shut up, shut up…” Allen growled at the mirror. Link’s brows furrowed in worry.

“Please survive until the end, Allen Walker.” Link muttered before lying down to sleep.

**Cross**

Cross knew from the moment he saw his apprentice that he was slipping. Leverrier decided to loosen the restriction on Cross and Allen’s interactions once he saw that Cross couldn’t do anything. Cross instantly went to visit his apprentice, but was surprised to see the younger boy just sitting on his bed, eyes distant and dull. Allen’s friends, Lavi and Lenalee, had warned him that Allen wasn’t himself, but he wanted to see for himself.

“Look at yourself, idiot apprentice.” Cross grimaced as he took in Allen’s body. “You’ve really slipped that far, haven’t you?” He walked over to the boy and bent down in front of him, “What have I told you, what has Mana told you? Don’t stop, keep walking.” No reaction. “Tch, fine. If you lose yourself, it’s not on me.” Cross stood back up and turned towards the door before glancing back at Allen.

“Don’t say I didn’t try.” He turned and exited the room, not bothering to note Allen’s guard dog entered the room once he left.

**Allen**

He sat there, trying to remember what day it was. It was getting harder and harder to remember who and where he was. It’s all beginning to blur for him. He can’t see anyone anymore, all he sees is the 14th and akuma.

Everyday, it’s become a routine for him. Get up, get dressed, take a mission, return, and block out the 14th’s taunts. He can’t sleep anymore, he can barely keep food down now.

_They hate you, why don’t you just give in and end your pain and suffering?_

_Give in, you don’t have to fight anymore. I’ll take good care of you._

_STOP FIGHTING ME, GIVE IN OR I’LL FORCE YOU TO!!! I’LL KILL YOUR FRIENDS!!!_

_He’s coming, can’t you feel it? Under your skin, the prickling feeling as the Earl cries out. You can end it easily…_

Allen placed his hands over his ears, trying to block out the 14th. He was tired, tired of fighting and living. But he couldn’t give it, he just couldn’t do that to his friends. His family.

So when the Final Battle came around, he made sure to give it his all. In the end, he miraculously won. The Earl was dead, and with him, the Noahs. Tyki, Road, and the others were still around, but their Noah memories were gone. The 14th left him too, finally.

But he still felt empty inside.

He still heard his voice, taunting him, luring him.

He just wants it to end.

And it does.

**Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, Komui, Johnny, Reever, Link, Cross**

That morning was grim and dark. Link, who no longer shared a room with Allen, had walked in to find Allen’s unmoving body on his bed. He closed his eyes in remorse as he picked up Allen’s frail and light body, taking him down to the Science Division. When Komui, Johnny, and Reever saw him holding Allen’s body, they lowered their heads. Tears began to pour as more and more found out about it.

Kanda growled and punched the wall, storming out to his room.

Lavi fell to his knees and did everything not to let any tears fall.

Lenalee broke down and ran to where Allen’s body was being kept, hitting the still form over and over.

Komui watched his sister, tears streaming down his face as Reever moved to stop Lenalee. Johnny was bawling as he sniffled, trying to cope.

Link left the room to call Leverrier and arrange for Allen Walker’s funeral.

Cross stood in the shadows, a cigarette going to waste in his hand. A sad, but small, smile appeared on his lips as he looked at his former apprentice. “Is it silent now?” He asked, only to be rewarding with silence and the occasional hiccup from Lenalee and Johnny. “I thought so. Hey, tell Mana and Nea I said hi.” Cross let a single tear fall as he put out the cigarette.

Everyone mourned their lost savior, but not in the way these eight did.

Once the Black Order collapsed after all of the innocence had been retrieved and every last akuma was destroyed, they moved on. But they never forgot their friend.

Kanda soon found an occupation with Tiedoll as an artist. He still practiced with a sword, but it was never the same with Mugen gone. Every now and then, when he’d paint the occasional lotus, he’d add a black and white butterfly with strange red markings. Markings that resembled a certain bean sprout’s cursed scar.

Lavi would move on and become a full-fledged bookman. He would go around and record more wars and events. His most notable thing was a book he wrote and published titled The Musician. It was about a young teenager who’d soon come to find out he had a huge destiny to fulfill with the help of his friends. What the readers didn’t know, was that this was a happier ending to Allen’s life. An ending where he stayed sane and lived on with his friends.

Lenalee and Komui came together an opened an orphanage together. They called it Walker Orphanage in honor of their friend and comrade. They’d help raise many children who didn’t get a chance to have a family, hoping to give them a better childhood than they had, including a certain friend’s childhood. Lenalee would soon marry and name her first born son Allen.

Johnny, Reever, and many other people from the science department found other jobs as scientists. Johnny would create a serum that would help people with the voices in their heads and Reever would soon create a machine that would help people get around their daily lives. They both became famous scientists and kept Allen in their memories as their original support. After all, it was the boy who suggested that they go after their dreams once they were free.

Link became the husband of a wealthy duchess and he would tell his children the tales of a white-haired hero who’d save the world. He would even, though reluctantly, buy Lavi’s book to read to his children, in hopes of passing the moral to never give up. On days when he would feel out of it, he would read Allen’s old journals in hopes of keeping the spirit of the young boy with him.

Cross died not long after Allen from lung disease and kidney failure. He saw it coming with his smoking and drinking habits, but he wasn’t happy about the idea of having lived past his apprentice. His final words were, “Idiot apprentice, I’m coming after you” and in his will his most prized possessions were passed onto Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda, as they were next-to-kin after Allen. He was buried beside Allen and Mana.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW I did NOT mean for it to turn out this way.
> 
> I just had a random idea and kept writing what went through my head. Also, why does Allen always die in my fics, or is at least being hurt in some way? Am I really THAT addicted to Allen angst?
> 
> Huh.
> 
> Oh well, in the end this is what happened and I hope you at least enjoyed.
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLEN WALKER!!!
> 
> Stormi out!
> 
> :)


End file.
